Relapse sucks. You get back into the swing of your old habits, and you get comfortable again. After being clean of you habit, to pick it back up sucks. You never know if you'll ever be able to get rid of it. You beat yourself up about it. Cry and ask yourself why? Unfortunately you don't have the answer. You become so attached to your delusions that it's Like a second skin. You become so comfortable in the fantasy, in the game of how creative you can make your brain seem that day in that moment. That it almost seems impossible to get rid of it. You start to cut contact with people that care about you. That's what scares you. You're afraid of getting too attached to people. You're afraid of them leaving. What you will do without them if they we're to leave, but the friends you've made along the way in your imagination won't. They can't leave unless you want them to, they won't get mad at you unless you want them to, unless you want them to. You only know to exist unless you're wanted. Well real live human beings want you. They love and care about you, but you want your alternate reality. Your alternate reality doesn't want you. They can't you created it. To get rid of your alternate reality is your choice. For the love of god chose real. Chose real. You are worth a real friendship. You are worth more to have real friends and real experiences.
You just want the positive acknowledgement of knowing you did good an are wanted, but you also are afraid of getting too attached to people. You can get better. You will get better all you have to fo is stay focused.
You have to stay focused on what you want out of yourself. What you really want to happen. You have to push your comfort zone to see just how far you are willing to go to get better. Become uncomfortable! You need to push barriers to discover who you really are without this alternate reality. Who you really are. You just have to try something new to really see that.
Be Positive, Patient, And Persistent!-Lauren
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