Get to know me.

25 Facts about me

1. My name is Lauren.

2. I was born on August 27.

3. I was born in Pennsylvania.

4.I have one older brother.

5. I am 5'0 on a good day.

6.I am extremely shy. 

7. I have a very perverted sense of humor.

8.I am obsessed with Lord of The Rings.

9. I am terrified of escalators. 

10. My parents got divorced when I was 7.

11. I have three best friends: Matt, Tim, and Kyshaun.

12. I like getting an education and being smart. 

13. I have no idea what I want to do forever. 

14. I played softball and swam competitively for six years. 

15. I am a lesbian.

16. I have an amazing imagination that can give me a little trouble sometimes.

17. I absolutely love Disney.

18. I've never been on a date, been asked out, or kissed. None of it.

19. I like being really girlie , but I won't admit it. 

20. I am afraid of trusting people.

21. I really don't enjoy wearing pants. 

22. Fall is my favorite season.

23. I still believe in Santa. 

24. I don't think I'm good at anything.

25. I want to travel.

Be positive, patient, and persistent!-Lauren

Self Acceptance

The thought of being perceived  as attractive is terrifying. I have so many flaws. I have too many zits. I'm not skinny enough. I have weird hair. I have crooked teeth. I have a weird sense of style. I am too short. Through out these thoughts though I have learned to be grateful for my flaws for my flaws because they are what make me unique. My flaws have taught me self acceptance.



If pants fit me I am skinny enough. If I brush all of teeth everyday then they are fine. If I still have enough hair to brush into place then my hair is just fine. If I can stand up, hold my head up, and look my friends in the eye then I am tall enough. If I have clothes that I am comfortable wearing then who cares?

I don't fit the perfect ideal, but then again there isn't' one. We have just created this idea of perfect in our heads. The media and society have shoved this idea of perfect down our throats. They have created the perfect height, weight, skin color, hair color, and eye color. They want everyone to look like robots because they think it will change everything we feel about ourselves and the flaws we have, but no matter how perfect we look on  the outside we will always have insecurities. There is no right and wrong way to dress or act. There are just different ways of expressing yourself.

 

The thought of being perceived as beautiful or someone's definition is still terrifying to me no matter how much I accept myself. The thought that someone in the future will think the sun shines out of my ass is scary. The thought that they may want to wake up to my face everyday and think they are so lucky to have me is a weird thought to have. It's a lot to swallow, but I'm learning to accept it and to accept myself. No matter what I have to accept myself . No matter what I do I can't change my flaws and that's okay. We all are just a bag of bones. We're just trying to get from point A to point B in life. 

Embraces your flaws and honing them into working for you is the best possible thing you can do. It doesn't matter how you look or act. Besides if there isn't anything going on inside your brain it doesn't matter how good you look. Your mind is your most attractive feature. Your mind allows you to hold knowledge, have an imagination, have opinions, and have thoughts. That is the most attractive thing about you. 

 

Be positive, patient, and persistent!- Lauren

Admire

    

It's been a while and I apologize for that! School has been a bit crazy. Since going back to school I have been taking some harder classes and discovering new things about the people around me and myself. Most of these come from just talking to people. Listening to what people have to say and how meaningful and deep some of it can be is absolutely amazing. 

I admire people so much for being able to pull these amazingly deep or creative thoughts out of their minds. I wish I could do that. 

 

I understand my intelligence level and what I am capable of bringing to a conversation. I wish that I could have some of the life shattering or amazing wow thought moments. Sometimes I do have these thoughts though it is very few and far between, and I usually have to sit for a good while trying to think about it. 

 

I am amazed at the way some people come up with these thoughts and ideas especially at the certain ages I have seen it happen. Yes it has been some of my friends, but there have also been children just shattering stereotypical thoughts and breaking barriers. I admire it so much that I hope one day I am able to have these thoughts just whirl into my brain and I am able to say it. 

 Maybe it all matters on your perception of certain topics. Maybe It will just happen with age. 

Who knows?

Be positive, patient, and persistent!- Lauren

Sigh of Relief

Fall is here! I'm so excited! Fall is my favorite season. I love the new chill of that comes in after the heat of summer. I love watching the leaves change as they get ready to fall to the ground. I love the smell of the burning scented candles. 

I love going to the pumpkin patch. Being able to go and pick pumpkins and drink apple cider. I love watching kids get excited for Halloween. To be able to see more and more houses decorated for Halloween as I walk home from school is the most exciting feeling.

The most exciting thing about Autumn for me the most is walking home at the peak time of sunset. To watch the orange sun set through the changing trees is my most favorite part of fall. It's what made me fall in love with it. Just sitting out in the chill of the setting sun, wrapped in blankets drinking tea will always be my favorite part of fall.




I hope you have an amazing Autumn.

 

Be positive, patient, and persistent!- Lauren 

Some Early morning Thoughts

Relapse sucks. You get back into the swing of your old habits, and you get comfortable again. After being clean of you habit, to pick it back up sucks. You never know if you'll ever be able to get rid of it. You beat yourself up about it. Cry and ask yourself why? Unfortunately you don't have the answer. You become so attached to your delusions that it's Like a second skin. You become so comfortable in the fantasy, in the game of how creative you can make your brain seem that day in that moment. That it almost seems impossible to get rid of it. You start to cut contact with people that care about you. That's what scares you. You're afraid of getting too attached to people. You're afraid of them leaving. What you will do without them if they we're to leave, but the friends you've made along the way in your imagination won't. They can't leave unless you want them to, they won't get mad at you unless you want them to, unless you want them to. You only know to exist unless you're wanted. Well real live human beings want you. They love and care about you, but you want your alternate reality. Your alternate reality doesn't want you. They can't you created it. To get rid of your alternate reality is your choice. For the love of god chose real. Chose real. You are worth a real friendship. You are worth more to have real friends and real experiences. 

You just want the positive acknowledgement of knowing you did good an are wanted, but you also are afraid of getting too attached to people. You can get better. You will get better all you have to fo is stay focused. 

You have to stay focused on what you want out of yourself. What you really want to happen. You have to push your comfort zone to see just how far you are willing to go to get better. Become uncomfortable! You need to push barriers to discover who you really are without this alternate reality. Who you really are. You just have to try something new to really see that. 

Be Positive, Patient, And Persistent!-Lauren