Collecting Thoughts

Hello! I am sorry it has been so long; school has been kicking my butt. I am going to try and get back in the swing of writing blog posts so bear with me. I want to talk about thoughts. I take the bus and the train a lot, so therefore I have a lot of free thinking time. I constantly think about world issues, personal issues, and imagining certain scenes in my head. Unfortunately this will not be about my conquest up the mountain through a cloud bank on my way to slay a dragon. Although that would be very cool.

My everyday thoughts about what I'm doing with my life are the ones that get me thinking the most, because they relate to me. Without these thoughts I wouldn't know what my dream college is, what I want to major in, or who I might potentially be in love with. Without these thoughts that concern my friends and my family or what blog posts I want to write for you guys nothing would be happening. There are some thoughts that eat away at you, but you shouldn't let them. The awkward things that haunt you when you lie awake at night don't matter. No one can remember what you did when you were 7 so you shouldn't be concerned with it when you're trying to go to bed. You should be more concerned with the thoughts that can be used for productive things. Like starting your own blog, writing a book, doing something in school that has never been done before. Thoughts are a forgotten privilege. Not everyone gets to think for themselves. I have it good. I have the right to use my mind for whatever I want to. I have creative freedom that isn't allotted in certain countries, religions, or families. Using these thoughts for something useful and productive is important but also for the benefit for others.

 I am sorry it has been so long and that this post is not up to usual standard. I look forward to writing more for you in the future and I can't wait to see what's in store for this blog. See ya later!

Be positive, patient, and persistent- Lauren!

Some Rants and Rambles

Awkwardness can consume you. Sometimes you can create awkward situations sometimes they create themselves. Friendships can be shaken. I feel in my life right now as if it's me against the world. I don't know if I can continue in a friendship due to the awkwardness and I have no understanding of how the other person feels. My situation isn't just awkward I'm also creating the awkwardness. I am avoiding the person and the situation all together and making it really obviously uncomfortable for the both of us. To make these feelings go away though I have to confront the situation head on,  but that's really difficult because the situation doesn't always turn out the way we want it to. Sometimes all you can do is take the plunge.

 Rumors hurt. They start with someone uttering a simple sentence of false accusations. Then they spread like wildfire throughout a social group. Suddenly everyone has a vague idea of an already vague topic that concerned  you. Do you they believe it? After all of your friends has hurt this rumor do they still want to be associated with you? Are you outcasted?  No one truly understands the real situation they assume they know because of the utterance of someone else. They don't bother to ask you if it is true or not. They don't care. No one will truly understand what that backlash is like. Everywhere you go now people will stare at you and then they will stare at each other silently sharing a look to confirm whether or not you are the person at the butt of the rumor; then they'll whisper as you pass and talk about the predicament that you are in. Now because of a simple sentence you are forever known for something that is 99% of the time false. So the next time there is an impression of a rumor going around take it with a grain of salt because the person who that rumor concerns is probably feeling crappy and doesn't need anything else on their plates. You shouldn't add to that because next time that could be you.

People who have really closed minds infuriate me. To question or judge someone for their life choices or for doing something that makes them happy really makes me angry. Who is that person to criticize someone else for their life choices? Slut shamming, body shamming, gender shamming, relationship shamming, religion shamming all of these things shouldn't have to be a thing! No one should have to experience any of these things but because of the small mindedness of the world people experience these things on a daily basis. Some of these people that are getting harassed don't even know the individual who is harassing them. They know nothing about that person or what they're going through. Shamming someone for wanted to express their sexuality is wrong, shamming someone for being society's standard of over weight is wrong, shamming someone for wanting to date the same gender and to change genders is wrong, to shame someone for the religion they practice is wrong. It's sickening to watch it happen and to still see it expressed through the youth today. Instead of going back to when we had to fight for equality for everyone, even though that battle is far from over, we should start acting like everyone is some form of equal. No one is better than anyone else no matter what. We all entered this Earth the same way and we'll all end up in a hole someday too so what we do in between is no one else's business but our own and we should all respect that.

 Let's take a minute to breathe and process what has just been typed/ read. I apologize for the intensity of my rambles but these were some of the thoughts that I had to get off of my chest, and I appreciate you bearing with me.

Be positive, patient, and persistent!-Lauren

The Calm Before The Storm

Rain makes me so excited. The way the sky changes its colors and contrasts. How you can watch the clouds move as the Earth rotates. It's so beautiful. The split in the sky of changing from light to dark fills my stomach with butterflies. The cooling in the air when the wind picks up. The sounds of the rustling trees as the wind sways the inhabitants of Earth side to side. The loud crack of lightning and the roar of thunder when it shakes the house is so amazing. The colors that illuminate the sky. The purples, pinks, reds, and blues. The sounds of the drops of rain pouring down from the sky. Everything about rain and rain storms excite me, and that will never changes.

Be positive, patient, and persistent!- Lauren

A Story

Butterflies erupt in my stomach, my mouth is dry, my palms are sweaty, my breathing is erratic. She is standing right down the hall. I want to tell her what really is going on. I want her to know why he's acting differently, but I don't want to lose a friend. I turn away and try my best to make it down the hall before she spots me. I'm too late. She's spotted me and is yelling my name. Her blonde hair bouncy as ever. I turn and wait for her plastering on a smile so she won't see how uncomfortable I am. She's upset with me. She thinks I've been avoiding her. I have. She starts engaging in small talk. Then she addresses the elephant in the room. She wants to know why I think her boyfriend has been acting so strange these last few days. I know why, but I don't want to tell her. If I do I might lose a friend and hurt another. I panic and stutter and finally just give up and say "I don't know". Maybe he's just having an off day. She can see right through that. We've been friends for ten years. She knows when I'm not telling the truth. She begs and pleads for me to tell her. So I do. He's been cheating on her for months now. She slaps me and yells at me about how she doesn't believe me. Then she runs away and she runs out of my life. That day I not only lost two friends, but I also hurt one of my best friends. They have been together for two years now. Whenever they see me all they do is glare. I guess high school does that to you. 

Be positive, patient, and persistent!-Lauren

The Plague

Sickness has taken over! I know I don't post much as it is, but I am now sick. Through this experience of being sick I now know what I've been taking for granted. I really miss being able to breathe normally and to not sneeze every five minutes. *sniffle* I miss being able to talk or swallow without pain. I miss my body not being in pain all of the time. I miss being able to stay awake for more than ten minutes. So my life since the beginning of the plague has been a butt load of tea, chloraseptics, tissues, and Netflix.

I hope all of you are doing well and HAPPY OCTOBER!!! 

I hope I'll feel better soon, and sorry for lack of posts.

Be positive, patient, and persistent!- Lauren

Get to know me.

25 Facts about me

1. My name is Lauren.

2. I was born on August 27.

3. I was born in Pennsylvania.

4.I have one older brother.

5. I am 5'0 on a good day.

6.I am extremely shy. 

7. I have a very perverted sense of humor.

8.I am obsessed with Lord of The Rings.

9. I am terrified of escalators. 

10. My parents got divorced when I was 7.

11. I have three best friends: Matt, Tim, and Kyshaun.

12. I like getting an education and being smart. 

13. I have no idea what I want to do forever. 

14. I played softball and swam competitively for six years. 

15. I am a lesbian.

16. I have an amazing imagination that can give me a little trouble sometimes.

17. I absolutely love Disney.

18. I've never been on a date, been asked out, or kissed. None of it.

19. I like being really girlie , but I won't admit it. 

20. I am afraid of trusting people.

21. I really don't enjoy wearing pants. 

22. Fall is my favorite season.

23. I still believe in Santa. 

24. I don't think I'm good at anything.

25. I want to travel.

Be positive, patient, and persistent!-Lauren

Self Acceptance

The thought of being perceived  as attractive is terrifying. I have so many flaws. I have too many zits. I'm not skinny enough. I have weird hair. I have crooked teeth. I have a weird sense of style. I am too short. Through out these thoughts though I have learned to be grateful for my flaws for my flaws because they are what make me unique. My flaws have taught me self acceptance.



If pants fit me I am skinny enough. If I brush all of teeth everyday then they are fine. If I still have enough hair to brush into place then my hair is just fine. If I can stand up, hold my head up, and look my friends in the eye then I am tall enough. If I have clothes that I am comfortable wearing then who cares?

I don't fit the perfect ideal, but then again there isn't' one. We have just created this idea of perfect in our heads. The media and society have shoved this idea of perfect down our throats. They have created the perfect height, weight, skin color, hair color, and eye color. They want everyone to look like robots because they think it will change everything we feel about ourselves and the flaws we have, but no matter how perfect we look on  the outside we will always have insecurities. There is no right and wrong way to dress or act. There are just different ways of expressing yourself.

 

The thought of being perceived as beautiful or someone's definition is still terrifying to me no matter how much I accept myself. The thought that someone in the future will think the sun shines out of my ass is scary. The thought that they may want to wake up to my face everyday and think they are so lucky to have me is a weird thought to have. It's a lot to swallow, but I'm learning to accept it and to accept myself. No matter what I have to accept myself . No matter what I do I can't change my flaws and that's okay. We all are just a bag of bones. We're just trying to get from point A to point B in life. 

Embraces your flaws and honing them into working for you is the best possible thing you can do. It doesn't matter how you look or act. Besides if there isn't anything going on inside your brain it doesn't matter how good you look. Your mind is your most attractive feature. Your mind allows you to hold knowledge, have an imagination, have opinions, and have thoughts. That is the most attractive thing about you. 

 

Be positive, patient, and persistent!- Lauren